What to Expect When You Are Expecting a Divorce, Phyllis Chesler, Ph.D.



What to Expect When You Are Expecting a Divorce




By Phyllis Chesler

Published July 08, 2011

| FoxNews.com

Expect Hell—and your every expectation will be met.


Although divorce is epidemic, parents do not know what to expect when they expect a divorce. Mothers expect their lawyers to function as emotional confidantes and feel betrayed when that is not the case. Fathers are more business-like in their approach. If custody is at issue, mothers tend to be blinded by anxiety and outrage so that they do not think clearly, strategically, or flexibly. They feel their back is to the wall and that compromise is not possible.


One cannot compromise with a violent husband, an abusive father, or with a man who is intentionally impoverishing his family. And yet one must also understand the rules of the legal system and abide by them.


As a service to mothers, I interviewed Susan L. Bender, a leading Manhattan matrimonial lawyer. Here is what a mother needs to know before she engages a lawyer.


Even if the mother is in emotional free fall, she must become a hard-headed pragmatist. A women expects her husband to be her protector not her most dangerous enemy. But when war erupts, many women do not know how to fight to win.


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