HONOR, What Does It Mean to Be Honorable?

Honour or honor (see spelling differences; from the Latin word honos, honoris) is an abstract concept entailing a perceived quality of worthiness and respectability that affects both the social standing and the self-evaluation of an individual or corporate body such as a family, school, regiment or nation. Accordingly, individuals (or corporate bodies) are assigned worth and stature based on the harmony of their actions with a specific code of honour, and the moral code of the society at large.

Honour can be viewed in the light of Psychological nativism as being as real to the human condition as love, and likewise deriving from the formative personal bonds that establish one’s personal dignity and character. From the point of moral relativism, honour is perceived as arising from universal concerns for material circumstance and status, rather than fundamental differences in principle between those who hold different honour codes.

Dr Samuel Johnson, in his A Dictionary of the English Language (1755), defined honour as having several senses, the first of which was “nobility of soul, magnanimity, and a scorn of meanness.” This sort of honour derives from the perceived virtuous conduct and personal integrity of the person endowed with it. On the other hand, Johnson also defined honour in relationship to “reputation” and “fame”; to “privileges of rank or birth”, and as “respect” of the kind which “places an individual socially and determines his right to precedence.” This sort of honour is not so much a function of moral or ethical excellence, as it is a consequence of power. Finally, with respect to women, honour has traditionally been associated with (or identical to) “chastity” or “virginity”, or in case of a married woman, “fidelity”.

What exactly is an honorable man? I consider an honorable man someone who is kind, has both dignity and grace, makes an honest living, is compassionate, responsible for his own actions, trustworthy and keeps his promises.

I think those are enough characteristics to start with!

Now I wish to switch to the topic of women with children, especially the women who are widowed or divorced. In some cases, these women do have opportunities to remarry and have happiness. Yet in most cases the widowed or divorced women do not remarry. It may not be because she’d rather not marry but a lot of men may view her as un-marriageable or “used goods.”

A widow with another man’s children is seen as less attractive than a divorcee. Why?

A number of men are unwilling to take on the responsibility of accepting or raising children that are “not of their blood.”

By no means should a widow or a divorced woman believe she must choose polygamy in order to remarry. She can certainly remain single by choice. Additionally, a man who has never been married before should not fall in to the trap that widows or divorcees are unacceptable.

Most young guys will not marry a woman with a child. I am talking about people between the ages of 18 – 35 here. Some guys may not admit publicly that they are highly unlikely to marry a woman with a child (not everyone is Joseph who married a pregnant Mary) even though they may have a child themselves. Therein lays the hypocrisy.

A friend asked the following question on my Facebook status: “How do you ladies feel about the fact that most guys won’t marry a woman with another man’s child?” I did not anticipate the debate that would go on the page. Men were in general agreement that they were unlikely to marry a woman with a child. The women were horrified.

Men don’t want to compete with another man.

Funny enough, this has ‘nothing to do with the child‘, in most instances. Of course this may not make sense to women. Understandably – because it doesn’t make sense. But it makes perfect sense to guys. There is a lot of ego involved. Logic does not apply to ego. The ego has its own rules. The ego wants what it wants in whatever way it wants it. And that’s that.

But this raises a fundamental issue in our society. First of all, you have the issue of children growing up without fathers because they are unwilling to take responsibility for the children they were very actively involved in making. And their involvement was not just that of a spectator. Oh no. It was a very active, sweaty, heavy-breathing and funny face-making moment. They were very, very involved. Now these women and children get punished for something two people were involved in.

What this means is that we have to be honorable. All of us. Men and women must stop thinking about temporary pleasure. Sometimes temporary pleasure leads to a lifetime of unplanned responsibility. And we know how many of us can’t stand responsibility, even when we’ve planned for it. Imagine one that we didn’t plan for. We know what ‘towning’ does, and Aids is just one of them.

The real issue here is not the woman with children out of wedlock, the issue is the men who leave them after making them pregnant.

Then when it comes to the abortion issue, women are the ones who get the side-eye for going to abortion clinics when there were two parties involved. Men don’t want to tell women to go for abortions because they would rather not carry the burden of the guilt, so they won’t suggest it, all they will say is, “Do what you think you should do.” If she keeps the child, he leaves anyway. It’s tough out there for women.

Widows on the other hand are a different story.

A lot of guys would consider marrying one because the woman won’t have “two” men in her life to deal with. There will be no politics with the father. There will just be a child that is one’s own now. The issue is never really about the child. It is about the father who still roams the streets.

We need to become and honorable and responsible generation.

Many of us know what it’s like not to grow up with absent fathers. We know what it’s like to be raised by a single mother. Let us not do unto children what was done to some of us. We have choices and we are smarter than that. Since women are the ones who are often left with the burden of responsibility, I think that women should be extra vigilant about who gets into her pants with no rubber.

What would an honorable man do?