Bullying – Sticks, stones and what to do

Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power. It can include verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed repeatedly towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability. The “imbalance of power” may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a “target“.

Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways. The UK currently has no legal definition of bullying, while some U.S. states have laws against it.

Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more ‘lieutenants‘ who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse. Robert W. Fuller has analyzed bullying in the context of rankism.

Bullying can occur in any context in which human beings interact with each other. This includes school, church, family, the workplace, home, and neighborhoods. It is even a common push factor in migration. Bullying can exist between social groups, social classes, and even between countries (see jingoism). In fact, on an international scale, perceived or real imbalances of power between nations, in both economic systems and in treaty systems, are often cited as some of the primary causes of both World War I and World War II.

There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:

1.Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.
2.Impulsive Adult Bully: Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.
3.Physical Bully: While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.
4.Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage – to the bully – of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.
5.Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.

Is Teenage bullying common?
According to statistics from Family First Aid, about 30 percent of teenagers in the U.S. have been involved in bullying, either as a bully or as a victim of teenage bullying. Data suggests that teenage bullying is more common among younger teens than it is among older teens. However, it may be that young teens are more prone to physical bullying, which is easier to identify, and that older teens are more sophisticated in methods of bullying that are not always exactly identified as such.

Physical bullying is more common among boys, and teenage girls often favor verbal and emotional bullying. Indeed, while boys report that they are more likely to be involved in physical altercations, girls report that they are often the targets of nasty rumors – especially involving sexual gossip. Additionally, girls are more likely to use exclusion as a teenage bullying technique than boys are.

Bullying Statistics

Statistics show bullying is becoming a huge problem. The purpose of this website is to help educate the public on bullying issues; such as school bullying, workplace bullies, bullying teachers, adult bullies, and more. Our goal is to help teens, families, schools, and communites get the education and help they need to prevent being bullied. This site offers information on seeking therapy or treatment for those who are bullying others, or are victims of bullies. By learning about the causes of bullying each of us can help prevent this type of abuse we can help our communities be safer.

Bullying includes behaviors that focus on making someone else feel inadequate, or focus on belittling someone else. Bullying includes harassment, physical harm, repeatedly demeaning speech and efforts to ostracize another person. Bullying is active, and is done with the intention of bringing another person down.

It is important to realize that there are different kinds of bullying:
•Physical Bullying: This is the most obvious form of bullying. In this type of bullying, the instigator attempts to physically dominate another teen. This usually includes kicking, punching and other physically harmful activities, designed to instill fear in the one bullied, and possible coerce him or her to do something.
•Verbal Bullying: When someone verbally bullies another, he or she uses demeaning language to tear down another’s self-image. Bullies who use verbal techniques excessively tease others, say belittling things and use a great deal of sarcasm with the intent to hurt the other person’s feelings or humiliate the other teen in front of others.
•Emotional: This is even more subtle than verbal bullying. Teenage bullying that includes emotional methods aims at getting someone else to feel isolated, alone and may even prompt depression. This type of bullying is designed to get others to ostracize the person being bullied.
•Cyber Bullying: Electronic bullying is becoming a very real problem for teens. This type of bullying uses instant messaging, cell phone text messages and online social networks to humiliate and embarrass others. This can be especially devastating to the people being bullied, since they cannot even find a safe place in the virtual world.

A poll conducted in 24 countries by the global research company Ipsos for Reuters News, the results of which were published in January 2012 found the following:
•One in ten parents online (12%) around the world say their child has experienced cyberbullying
•One in four (24%) of those parents say they know a child in their community who has experienced cyberbulllying and of those, 60% say the children experienced the harrassing behaviour on social networking sites like Facebook.

According to the Cyberbullying Research Center :
•Approximately 20% of the students report experiencing cyberbullying in their lifetimes.
•Mean or hurtful comments (13.7%) and rumors spread (12.9%) online are the most common types of cyberbullying.
•Adolescent girls are significantly more likely to have experienced cyberbullying in their lifetimes (25.8% vs. 16%).

Are you a target of bullying?
Lots of teens face bullying every day, but that doesn’t make it right. You have a right to be yourself without getting bullied. Here are some tips to keep in mind.

Stand up for yourself
•Talk to someone you trust, like your parents, a friend, a teacher, a counsellor or coach. Remember that confiding in someone is not the same as tattling, especially when it comes to your safety.
•Work out a plan to put an end to it, together
•Contact an authority, like a school principal or the police

Keep in Mind
•You don’t have to be clever or tough. Walking away sends a powerful message.
•Try not to lose your cool even if you’re upset
•Fighting will make it worse. Try not to stoop to the bully’s level.
•If you’ve tried a few different things to make the bullying stop, and it’s still happening, don’t give up. Talk to someone else, and keep trying.

Remember
•It’s not your fault
•It’s about the bully, not you
•You don’t deserve to be bullied. You deserve to be safe.
•It’s okay to ask for help

Are you a bystander?
It’s hard to know what to do when you see someone being bullied, but as a bystander, you have an opportunity to make a powerful difference in someone’s life. In most cases, bullying stops when a bystander steps in. You can choose to do the right thing.

Why keep it a secret?
•Talk to someone you trust, like your parents, a friend, a teacher, a counsellor or coach.
•Involving an adult isn’t the same as tattling, especially when it comes to someone’s safety.
•An adult can intervene and make the bullying stop

Do the right thing – Take Action
•Don’t be a silent witness. You would want someone to have your back if you were the one getting bullied.
•Don’t watch and laugh. That’s even worse than doing nothing.
•If it’s too hard to speak out, send an anonymous note to school staff
•Be assertive, not aggressive. Fighting doesn’t help anyone.
•Invite the person being targeted to leave the situation with you
•Encourage the target to get help from someone, like a guidance counsellor, teacher, or other adult who can help.

Think about it
•Think about how you’d feel if you were being targeted. Wouldn’t you want someone to step in?
•Ask for help from friends. There’s strength in numbers.
•Stand up for people who are targeted. They might not be able to defend themselves.

Remember
•It takes only one person to take a stand before others follow their lead. Have the courage to be that person.
•If you stay and watch you’re part of the problem. If you get help, you’re part of the solution
•Stay safe. If you don’t feel comfortable intervening, ask an adult you trust for help.

TAKE ACTION!

KIDS HELPLINE – 1-800-668-6868

SPEAK UP – TIPS ON HOW TO TAKE ACTION as a Bystander