Narcissistic Personality Disorder
manifests as ‘terminal victims’!
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People who are victims create situations in their lives where they constantly feel victimized. When we are in relationship with a narcissistic personality we also feel victimized by their behavior. They are unable to see their own part in creating a painful reality for us. Because we are caring and compassionate, we are normally the ones who yield and give-in.
We are the ones who normally take responsibility for the relationship.
Over a period of time, that constant yielding begins to break us down and drain our energy. When we finally declare ourselves a victim of abuse, in many ways it gives us permission to withdraw from a harmful, dysfunctional situation and take care of ourselves.
We can’t both be victim and empowered.
We can be only one or the other. My goal for the support forum is to offer a place where we can quickly transition from being a victim to being empowered. This is why I encourage only telling our stories one time and then moving beyond our stories. There comes a point where we need to realize that the narcissistic personality is no longer a chosen part of our reality therefore continuing to focus on him is keeping us stuck in that negative energy.
In my own self-exploration, I realized that my constant focus on the Narcissist in my life really kept me from being truly responsible and accountable for my own dysfunctional involvement in the relationship. I was allowing him to treat me in ways that weren’t acceptable, respectful or honorable.
http://www.backtoclassics.com/gallery/lucastheyoungercranach/portraitofawoman2/
This is about ‘me’, not him!
I did not speak out and I didn’t say: NO!
… not until the end of the relationship!
By my very willingness to be his toxic dumping ground for his own repressed emotions, I was part of the dysfunction.
I can’t possibly blame him for everything!
If I am unwilling to see my own part in this, then I will never truly move beyond it. Because, until I see my part, I can’t truly be empowered. When we realize that everything is a result of the choices we make, then we are empowered to make new choices. On the other hand, if we feel powerless then we have not only given him our power but we continue to give our power away each day we wake up and chose to be a victim.
The truth is, our world is filled with people who don’t have our best interest at heart. There are a lot of cold, uncaring sick people out there. We even have times where we feel cold or uncaring towards another.
It is part of the human condition.
However, it is our personal responsibility to teach others how to treat us. We can’t change what someone else does, however we can change how we react or respond to it. If someone says something cruel to you, you can let them know that their behavior was cruel and uncalled for and disengage from that energy. If we wait for validation from someone who treats us badly or cling to the hope that he/she will recognize their poor treatment of us and have remorse, then we may be waiting a long time. Some people simply don’t have the inner capacity to see their own participation in creating the circumstances of their lives. This is where the process of our own recovery comes in.
We have to sort through what is our responsibility and what isn’t and let go of anything that doesn’t belong to us. For example, our narcissistic partner’s behavior is not our responsibility; no matter how much he may try and convince you otherwise. In fact, nobody’s behavior is our responsibility except our own. We may get angry as a reaction to something our partner does or says, but it is still our reaction.
If we find that we are with a partner that constantly provokes us to anger through disrespectful, undermining and dishonoring behavior. Than we need to consider changing dance partners. We deserve to be treated with love, kindness and respect. If we bring people into our lives who don’t treat us well, it is our responsibility to change that.
Sometimes we draw people into our lives to show us how we truly feel about ourselves deep inside. This is what we call mirroring, It is typical that those people we attract into our lives mirror some aspect of ourselves, often an unconscious aspect.
The narcissistic personality, famous for its projection, is great for triggering those deep seated unconscious aspects of ourselves. If our “self-worth” was really solid, than an outside entity wouldn’t have the power to strip us down to our lowest point. But, sometimes we have to be stripped down to the core of who we are in order to find our true selves and bring it into the light. So, if we were to look at the situation from an empowered perspective we could see how the narcissistic entity is actually serving our highest good by providing an opportunity for us to meet our true selves.
The true spiritual path is a path to the authentic self.
And, it’s really quite ironic that a narcissistic personality, one who spends all his energy avoiding his true self, is the catalyst for others to come in contact with their true selves. Perhaps, the deep truth behind what appears to be a tragedy is that you were ready for this journey to the depths of your own soul and this person came into your life to assist you on that journey. ‘He led you into the darkness so that you could find the light of your own being.‘ Now, you can emerge into the light with more than you were before you met him/her. When you enter such darkness, your only choice for life is rebirth, to become the light and find your way into a whole new dimension of being.
So, with all this being said, you can see that focusing on the narcissist in your life only serves to keep you stuck in that dark reality; whereas, to focus instead on the gifts that have come from that experience you will see and experience more and more of the gifts.
I would like to see more introspection in the group focus for recovery that is real deep soul searching where we identify what ‘we’ have learned from the experience, and what we intend to do differently in the future. To talk about that authentic self who is emerging as a result of being stripped to the core is Taking Action in a positive and a pro-active way.
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Set Yourself FREE!
This is an opportunity for your growth… Embrace it…
Take Action!
Have You Been Involved With Someone Who Has…
Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Kaleah Kaleah, a clinical hypnotherapist, holistic counselor, musician and licensed Interfaith Minister, has dedicated her life to helping others to go through the dark night of the soul. She is passionate about assisting with the energy of the emerging feminine on the planet and works with this energy both in her music and her counseling work.You can learn more about Kaleah and her work at:
- A Celebration of Women
WOMEN in RECOVERY – Narcissism
January 1, 2012 by
