Carmen Honaker – ‘Why are You Craving a Relationship?’

Why Are You Craving a Relationship?

Are You a Relationship Junkie?

The once-natural progression of finding a mate has drastically been altered by modern society. There is now a whole maze of confusing signals, strange rules, etiquette and behavioral patterns that can hardly be called “natural” and seem to be mastered only by the chosen few. We are, by design, social creatures. We want to belong and we want to be cared for. For some of us, this urge is so strong that it will override common sense or even our own self-worth.

Lots of people seem to struggle with finding the right partner. Hence, dating sites and services are a multi-billion dollar industry across the globe. We no longer have the time, or maybe skills to meet people by chance, so we go “relationship shopping” online. Most of us do it or have done it. Personally, I think it is an excellent way of meeting the right person, especially if you are a recluse like I am. The only time any kind of dating becomes a bad idea is if you “need” a relationship.

1. Desperation

All people, regardless of gender, can “smell” desperation—and trust me, they’ll run from it.

2. Low or No Self-Confidence

Again, most people pick up on it and don’t want that in their life. Healthy people want a partner, not a project, and having to constantly give approval or reassurance to someone who has no self-respect or confidence becomes draining

3. Commitment Phobes

Oddly enough, it tends to be this type that can’t hold a relationship and who seem to have no idea why. When we don’t trust others, and we’re afraid of committing, we’ll not only attract the same in return, but we’ll sabotage good things, usually by nitpicking or setting unattainable and completely unreasonable standards (this person is boring, I don’t like the way they dress, etc.)
Being able to love and be loved requires first that you can love yourself! Otherwise, you’ll become a black hole; no matter how much attention or care someone pours into you, it’s either never enough, or never from the “right person.” If you tear yourself into shreds, I can only imagine how harshly you criticize others. When you learn to love and accept yourself, you also start seeing the world and the people in it through different eyes.
Anyone who “needs” to be with someone tends to be in only one of two modes: namely mourning the loss of a relationship or chasing after one. Neither is very liberating. Plus, you give away all your power, either to those who don’t deserve it, or by creating walls so high that no one can overcome them. The truth is that if you expect the worst, you’ll get it. Also, be careful to sneer at those who obviously seem to “need” relationships. Those who are always in-between relationships and/or move on or cheat as soon as things become difficult are also co-dependent. They just appear to be more independent by constantly being with someone new. Either way, the vibe they give off to the “real” world will be the same, and a functional, healthy relationship will not come from behaving in any of these ways.
My suggestion would be to always surround yourself with honest and caring people, who are preferably drama and mostly baggage free! Ask them how you come across. Ask how you are perceived and what you can do to overcome the obstacles. Be open to their advice, even though it might not be too pretty, or sting. I would assume that you don’t choose friends who want to deliberately hurt you or don’t care, so always consider the source for any type of feedback before you discard a friend, simply because they may have told you something you didn’t want to hear. If you ask for honesty, I hope for you that you get it.
We all have choices in life
(yes, I keep saying that). It’s up to us to decide if we want to be participants and positive contributors to our lives, or if we want to be miserable and passive bystanders. No one is handing us a predetermined path. It’s up to us to choose our path. Life is short: Choose wisely.

By Carmen Honacker @

A Celebration of Women

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