True Measure and Purpose of Giving

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone
who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

Some people say there’s no such thing as a selfless act; that any time we do something to help another person, we get something in return, even if it’s just a warm fuzzy feeling. It doesn’t really bother me to know it feels good to help someone else. That, to me, is a completely acceptable type of selfishness. What give me cause for concern are the underlying expectations we often have when we give “selflessly.” The magical ingredient to checking oneself is to gauge your own ‘motive’ at the moment of giving.

Yes, ask yourself “Self, why am I doing this?”

Expectations cause more stress than joy. The key here is the truly check your own ‘expectations’, and work to only have them from your side of the street; as expecting the best of the best from yourself, offers a pathway to awakening the core being that you are.

I am a believer that we all come to this planet to better our souls, our spirits or whatever you prefer to tagline the existence with. Through the actions of the most altruistic nature, I find that layers of my own matrix flake off opening new horizons of light into my world. Giving is a form of energy exchange, and it does take courage to offer the first hand.

Reaching out to another human being can be a challenge for many; as at the core of most human beings, fear – fear of rejection is one of the most common motivators that block the natural act of human exchange; whether in giving or receiving. It is in the giving that we learn how to receieve.

At the end of the day, the old axiom does ring true; ‘The more I give, the more I get.’

The Tiny Buddha made a list of 20 things you can do to show you care, without needing the recipient to return the kindness—20 ways giving is its own reward. Maybe some of these will resonate with you. Or perhaps you’ll want to write your own list to spur the spirit of giving without expectations.

1. Give money you can spare to someone who needs it and then pretend you never had it.

2. Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.

3. Let someone vent, even if you can’t offer a solution, just to be an ear—without considering how well they listened to you last week.

4. Help someone who is struggling with difficult feelings by admitting you’ve felt the same thing—without considering whether they’d be as open with you.

5. Ask, “What can I do to help you today?” Then let it go after following through.

6. Tell someone how you feel about them, even if it makes you feel vulnerable, just to let them know they’re loved and not alone.

7. Apologize when you’ve acted selfishly, even if you don’t like feeling wrong, because it will remind the other person they deserve to be treated with respect.

8. Let someone else educate you, even if you’re tempted to stay closed minded, because you value their knowledge and appreciate their willingness to share it.

9. Forgive someone who wronged you because you have compassion for them, not because you know they’ll owe you.

10. Hold someone’s hand when they feel vulnerable to let them know you haven’t judged them.

11. Give your full attention to the person in front of you when you’re tempted to let your thoughts wander just to show them their words are valuable.

12. Assume the best when you’re tempted to suspect someone for no valid reason—even if they haven’t always given you the benefit of the doubt.

13. Accompany someone to an appointment or drive them to an interview when they need support just to help them feel strong.

14. Change your plans for someone you love if yours weren’t too important without questioning whether they’d do the same for you.

15. Teach someone how to do something without taking a superior position because they’ve likely taught you many things, whether they were obvious or not.

16. Leave a thoughtful comment on someone’s blog, not to build your readership but rather to show them how they affected you.

17. Tell someone you believe in their potential, even if they haven’t always shown you the same support.

18. Say no when it would make you feel good to say yes, because sometimes being kind means pushing someone to step up and try harder.

19. Tell someone you know they meant well instead of using their mistake as an opportunity to manipulate their guilt.

20. I’ve left this one open for you to write. How do you give just to show you care?

Lori Deschene says “Let’s face it: none of us is always kind. Human nature dictates we’ll act with one eye on what’s in it for us, at least occasionally. And I think that’s okay, as long as we make an effort whenever possible to do good for the sake of it.

Releasing expectations doesn’t mean you give other people permission to treat you thoughtlessly. It just means you check in with your motivations and give because you want to; and then ask for things directly when you want them. People who care about you will be there for you in return.”

“It is in the giving that we learn how to receive.”
~ Catherine Anne Clark

Catherine Anne Clark says “Letting go of the fear of energy exchange will also completely flip your attitude of giving and/or receiving. If learning more of your self is the only achievement at the end of the act of giving, then you are still the winner!”