Cyber Cheating = Emotional Infidelity!

 
Cyber Cheating = Emotional Infidelity!
 

 

Emotional Infidelity:

 Top 10 Signs of Cyber Cheating

 

Is cyber-cheating wrong?In a word… YES!

“But,” you say, “it’s not cheating if there’s no touching.”

So… tell your partner that and see what they say!

 
The Internet is the new frontier of infidelity, and apparently it’s a confusing place because men and women don’t agree on what constitutes cyber straying. The line between being a cheat and just being cheeky has been blurred by the release of a new book, which claims that emotional infidelity is just as destructive to a relationship as physical cheating.Today, the Internet has made it much easier for people to have a cyber affair.The increasing number of people now having cyber affairs is having a negative impact on married couples. The term ‘emotional infidelity’ is used to describe cyber cheating. Emotional infidelity takes place when one person shares personal feelings and thoughts with someone in the virtual world. Now, with most homes having a computer and access to the Internet, emotional infidelity has become a serious problem as most people, especially women, feel that emotional infidelity through a cyber affair is considered cheating.
 

In “Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship,” author M. Gary Neuman, delves into the destructive patterns of modern day relationships, and he rubbishes the perception that it’s okay to look, as long as you don’t touch.

 
And, according to relationship experts, the internet is a dangerous seductress. Social networking sites like Facebook, are the biggest culprits in instigating these “emotional affairs,” or “cyber cheating.” They allow you to contact old friends, lovers or people you’ve never even met before and the seemingly innocent exchange of personal details, messages, chat and photographs, can apparently be enough to spark an intimate relationship.

In a poll conducted by womansavers.com, over 63 per cent of women felt that online emotional affairs constituted infidelity and 70 per cent of them believe that emotional affairs could lead to physical affairs.

Particularly in these hard times, a lot of conflict can exist between a couple, regularly arguing about debt, bills, child-care, and other every-day conflicts. Whether a person has any inclination to cheat or not, carrying on a conflict-free conversation with someone with whom you have no ties can be far more attractive than conversing with someone that lives with you in the real world.

It might sound a bit harsh to describe a harmless chat with a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if that’s your bag) as cheating, but Neuman maintains that, “when you start to invest your emotional energy in opposite-sex friends – instead of focusing on your spouse – you are being unfaithful to your marriage”.

The internet allows you to live out your fantasies. You can do and say what you are afraid to do and say in real face-to-face encounters. Sending sexually suggestive photographs and engaging in sexually inappropriate conversations is cheating in my opinion. This sort of behavior can destroy your relationship. Cyber-cheating is a gateway drug. It can lead to other things. Deceptively going behind your partner’s back to send and receive sexually arousing photographs and taking part in sexually inappropriate conversations qualifies as cheating. Pathetically promiscuous actions online is wrong.

To me, the best way to deal with suspicions of infidelity – online or off – is to talk with your partner about it. If you don’t have communication in your relationship – the ability to approach each other openly, honestly, and safely then talk about concerns and issues like these – then you probably don’t have much of a foundation for a “healthy” relationship to begin with. If your partner is cyber-cheating, there’s obviously a problem with the marriage or relationship. I suggest that you get help.

Trust is the very foundation of a healthy love relationship. Consent and concealment are at the core of the issue of cyber-cheating; and at the core of matters of consent and concealment is a fundamental matter of trust. Couples need to spend more time “together.” If you devote what little free time you do have to cyber flirting, what’s left for your partner?

When it comes right down to it – anything that you do online that you would not want your partner to find out is wrong. Call it whatever you want… it’s wrong! The bottom line, if you are flirting with someone online behind your partner’s back, you are being deceptive. If you are honest about your online hanky-panky, and your partner is uncomfortable, insecure or outright hurt by it, maybe you should stop.

Although it may seem harmless, flirting via e-mail and online messaging can be very destructive to a relationship. It can be considered a betrayal. The very fact that a partner feels the need to have regular contact with someone else in an enticing manner is totally inappropriate.
 
The defining question is this: Would you want your partner to know?

If you are concerned that your partner is having a cyber affair, the following is a list of the top 10 signs he or she may be having a cyber affair:

1. Change in Sleep Patterns: Cyber cheaters will spend a lot of time at night or early in the morning online. They go online during these times as their partner will be sleeping. As well, on the weekends they may text more often due to free weekend cell phone rates. Cyber cheaters receiving a large amount of text messages will get defensive when questioned.

2. Hiding Internet Use: Cyber cheaters will move a computer that is in an open location of the home to a more private area where the spouse cannot see the screen. They will only check their emails when their spouse cannot see what they are doing. They will want to make sure the spouse is unable to look over their shoulder.

3. Secrets and Lies: Cyber cheaters will lie about who they corresponding with via Internet and text message. They will change all of their online passwords that include their email accounts and they will refuse to disclose the new passwords. They will also destroy cell phone bills before their spouse can see it.

4. Strained Relationship: The relationship will become strained and there will be an increasing number of arguments and the guilt and shame cyber cheaters feel will make them more irritable.

5. Critical Statements: Cyber cheaters will begin to be more critical of their spouse. This can include criticizing their appearance, clothing, and how they perform tasks around the home.

6. Lack of Intimacy: Cyber cheaters will lose interest in sexual intimacy. They will come up with excuses to avoid sex.

7. Lack of Communication: Cyber cheaters will stop having meaningful conversations with their spouse. They will withdraw verbally and emotionally.

8. Physical Isolation: Cyber cheaters will spend much more time away from the home. They will come up with excuses to leave the home so they can go somewhere more private to contact the person they are having a cyber affair. They will check emails and text messages when they know their partner is not nearby.

9. Defensive Language: A cyber cheater will become very defensive when asked about such things as why they spend so much time on the computer and why they are not spending more time at home.

10. Missing Money: Many cyber cheaters will start taking extra money to buy gifts for their cyber fling. There may also be unusual charges on the credit card.

 
Thanks to Larry James @ CelebrateLove.com
 
BONUS

With the ease of access and affordability of the Internet, it has become much easier to have a cyber affair. If your partner is displaying any of the above signs, don’t jump to the conclusion that he or she is having an affair. It is important to sit down and talk to each other to find out if there is a problem. A cyber affair can quickly become a physical affair so it is important to keep the lines of communication open.Robert Moment is a “throw the box away” in-demand inspirational life coach, personal growth strategist, speaker and author of the best-selling book, The Path to Emotional Healing-Be Happy Living Now.
 
Robert specializes in maximizing human potential by bringing out the best in individuals to help them find their purpose and live a life of true happiness and success.

Visit http://www.HowToBeHappyAgain.com and sign-up for the FREE 10 day finding happiness and emotional healing ecourse titled, Be Happy Now that will inspire you to live your best life now.
 
BE HAPPY
 
 
 

Comments

  1. I got married less than a year ago and found out the day of my wedding that my then fiancé had been cyber cheating since before he even proposed. My heart was crushed. I thought we had a love of a lifetime only to find out he was sending an receiving exploitive photos. I forgave him as he said he was done with that behavior. Three months later, the same thing…one month later the same thing again. I feel so devastated and betrayed I am losing sleep, gaining weight and feel such a sadness that I never thought this man would bring into my life. He said that it was nothing and that it was nothing more than channel surfing. Deep inside I notice he stops the behavior for a few days and now is back to spending more and more time in the bathroom claiming to take bowel movements that last 45 minutes or more, he watches his phone and takes it with him every time he leaves the room and now has become withdrawn and lies to my face saying that he doesn’t do that anymore. I don’t know what to do. I feel so betrayed and am slowly realizing that he loves this activity more the he loves me. I am his second wife and we have 3 children between us. He doesn’t work, won’t help me around the house, aind I am growing weary fast. I am in my late 40′s and do not want to divorce but I don’t want to live a lie either! Please help me. I am sooooo very heart broken and sad!

  2. mark griffon says:

    So I caught my wife having a cyber affair. She states no sex talk but I confronted her several times about her activity and she lied about it. It wasn’t until I took her phone and opened up a chatting program that she confessed. How do I deal with this? It hurts no less than if I caught her in bed with someone.

    • Team Celebration says:

      Our first thought is to seek ‘couples therapy‘ immediately if you want this marriage to grow, heal and last. Both of you need to get very honest with yourselves and evaluate what is happening inside your marriage. It takes two to tango, and there is obviously ‘something missing‘ here if either of you are online flirting with others. In this case, it is the wife.

      Well, husband: If you ‘love your wife‘, sit her down and ‘listen to her‘. Really find out what is going on inside her heart. Perhaps she is experiencing a ‘mid life’ crisis, or a ‘post partum’ childbirth depression, etc. etc. You did not state your ages or lifestyle stress at this time in your marriage. *There are always stessors that can ignite odd behaviors.

      There are always three sides to the truth. His, Hers and the Brutal Raw Truth.

      Dig deep and find out what is really going on here !!! FAST !!!

      As sad as this sounds, you may actually be one of the ‘lucky ones’, if this is still an only cyber action. The real worry, ( catching disease, etc.) starts when couples deteriorate to the point that they actually ‘get into bed‘ with another person, completely breaking the sanctity of the vows taken at the altar.

      * Funny this comment would come in here today, as I was just watching SEX & THE CITY 2 (MOVIE) last night and in this film, one of the women ‘kissed’ and old flame while on a trip in Middle East – 6800 miles away from Bigs ( her then finally husband). She felt sooooo sick about the action, that she called him immediately at 2:30 AM where she was). He did not handle call well, made it short and hung up on her. Upon her return to New York, he did ‘not’ pick her up at airport, and was ‘not’ at home when she arrived, making her sweat, wait and worry that he may never come home.

      Upon his arrival at home, he sat her down to talk. In that ‘talk’, he stated that he was fully aware that ‘both of them’ were very different people from most, that they both feared becoming an ‘old boring couple’. He then proceeded to push his wife ‘outside her comfort zone’ by gifting her a ring. You see, she had always refused to wear and engagement ring, as she thought of it as a symbol of imprisonment or something). In this scene, the ‘husband’ puts the ring on her hand and says ” .. this ring is to be worn to remind you always that YOU ARE MARRIED “. He continues to share and accept that both of them suffered fears of marriage; as this man had once jilted her at the altar, so he then proceeds to have her re-state allowed new VOWS to him, outlining the love and commitment to ‘the marriage’ ; and not to each other.

      Marriage is a contract that two people make ‘with’ each other. The level of respect to any contract that a person signs is equivalent to the self respect and integrity that person has for themselves. When some one in a ‘marriage’ breaks his or her own vows, there is definitely something wrong going on inside that person. In this case, it is your wife!

      If you love her, then Take Action to dig deep and find out where ‘she is suffering’, why she is needing attention outside the vows of said contract, and work this through your own heart, without judgement or anger.

      Love will conquer all ( only when the ‘all’ believes in Love).

  3. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the longer term and it is time to be happy. I’ve learn this put up and if I could I want to suggest you some fascinating things or advice. Maybe you could write subsequent articles regarding this article. I want to learn more issues about it!

  4. Hi my name is James and I really need your help
    I was and still devestaded when I found out my girl friend the girl I was with for more than 5 years went behind my back and cheated with another male online. It all started one day when I came home after a long business trip, that day my girl friend who lives with me left for work and accidently left her phone at home. When I noticed that had forgot the phone I grab it and ran out of the house looking for her to give her the phone, but all the sudden the phone vibrated, it was her mail inbox and it prom that she got a new message. Well I am usually not a nosy guy but when I saw she got a new msg and I opened to see what is all about. After reeding her message I was struck to find out she has been sending emotional message to this one male. to make short this is what she said to him
    ” Babe I just want to let you know how much I cherrist this relationship between you and I. You understood me more than my damn boyfriend, didn’t think anyone could do that in a short period of time. I want to let you know that I will never forget you hun, never. Innocent or not you know where I come from. I want you to know that this is a good thing, and I hope this relationship will never end. I want to thank you for cheering me up when I am down, I know you will always be there for me and I for you. Thank you, I couldn’t say much.”
    Well after seeing the message she have sent to him, my heart just dropped. Then an there I knew she was unfaithful and a lier and a cheater. So minutes after going through her phone she ran into the house looking for the phone so what I did was prending nothing has happened and just handed her the phone. When she got home that night I asked her is there something wrong and should we need to talk about it? she replied nothing is wrong and we carried through dinner. After dinner I confronted her and she said that it all started when this random guy she met on this online poker game started to message her complement her and said all the nice things to her and she likes those words and wants to know more and hear more from him, even though she dont know what he look like or how old he was. And that because I was traveling and not spend enough time with her and she missed hearing those nice words and when she did she felt for him. She let her gaurd down and emotional feel attached and that is the reason why she sent that message to him.
    she was bored when am away and she needed someone to talk to.
    She said that she didn’t like him like that (until this day I still dont know what it means when she said that) well she went on explaining that the message was harmless and she was vulneable at the moment and that no physical contact, just emotional feelings toward him for saying how sweet and special how she a wonderful women she is.
    Well I tried to work things out with her a even gave her a second chance but day to day I just couldn’t stop thinking that she have betrayed me when knowing that I did nothing wrong but just work for our future. So I decided to ended with her and now she is gone I feels miserable.

    Please help me, please tell me that I am making a mistake.

    Thank you.

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