Divorce with Dignity – WOMEN in RECOVERY

 
 
 

Ending a relationship with dignity?

 

Nothing odd about it at all, it’s just a classic case of biting off more than you chew with panache. It’s so damn hard ending it with your head held high, when all you want to do is bury it under a pillow and lie there for an eternity.

 
 
 
 
 
To keep an indefatigable quota of good words and wishes for your ex every time you speak of him when all you want to do is lash out and be human. To keep a smile plastered on your face when at times you have to bite your lower lip to keep the tears from spilling out from your eyes. Urdu has to be the most poetic and expressive language in the world. They have a word for it; ‘Ashq‘. They’re tears of strength, because as they spring up in your eyes you fight with all your inner strength and send them right back in.

I know it’s daunting to always look at the bigger picture and constantly rise above the ego, the hurt, and insecurities and to scale the emotional Great Wall of China we build around ourselves. But it’s worth it to know that we came out of a meaningful relationship stronger and better. Of course you may rue the death of a dream, but shouldn’t you also choose to remember and exhibit grace and gratitude for all the good times.

Divorces are very difficult but can be healthy. Whilst prayer and a short good bout of self-pity doesn’t hurt, remember that it’s your life and you live just once. Live fully. Live graciously. Live without regrets. Nothing is a mistake. It’s a learning experience about what you don’t want in the future.

 
 

Thank it… Kiss it… Bless it…

Let it go.

 
 

Q & A
QUESTION: My sister married 8 years ago and led a happy married life with her husband, two kids and her in-laws. The real problem started when she caught him red-handed while he was engaged in a homosexual act with his friend at their home. When she questioned him, he got angry and started shouting at her. She had to narrate the incident to her in laws. My sister is well qualified and beautiful but for the sake of marriage left her career long ago because of in laws and husband pressure. She and her kids are totally dependent on family for emotional support and is not financially independent. At the same time, she is totally disturbed when she came to know about her husband’s sexual preferences. Later on she came to know that her husband was involved with number of other guys in the name of official work. Kindly advise what should she do?

A While the homosexual aspect might distress her even more so, infidelity is infidelity, irrespective of gender. If he is unrepentant and aggressive about it, she should move on without hesitation. She is qualified to start life afresh professionally and will probably have everyone’s emotional support in the matter.

 
QUESTION: I’m 18 and my girlfriend is 16. We are in a very serious relationship since last 2 years and we want to marry but the problem is that she is my niece. Such type of relations is not allowed in our community. We can’t live without each other. What should i do? Please tell me the possible ways so that i can marry her in future?

A You are in a serious relationship with your niece since she was 14? Get serious! Not only is it unacceptable in your community but probably illegal under Indian law too! And I really hope you are not in a sexual relationship with her since age 14, as that is against the law too. If you are adamant on marriage, then check the law on incest as only certain relationships are permissible for marriage.

Either way, it means rebellion towards your community and potential ostracization. I suggest you clear your head and heart on this issue and not give into raging teen hormones and bravado. Whatever decision you make, don’t make it till the both of you are finished with your education and have steady jobs.

 
QUESTION: I’m a 22-year-old girl who has an elder sister who is married to a handsome man. These days I feel very drawn towards him. I crave for his attention and feel very happy when he appreciates me. I keep imagining myself to be his wife. I know this is not correct. What should I do?

A It’s not unusual to see someone happy and crave such a reality for yourself. But to fantasize about your sister’s husband is unhealthy and hazardous. First of all snap out of any such delusions and instead of romanticising it, berate yourself. Go out and meet others and as far as possible, meet your sister alone, till you find someone that will fill the emotional void in your life.

 
QUESTION: I’m a 40-year-old unmarried man. There is a lot of pressure from my family to tie the knot with some girl of their choice. They say otherwise people will conclude that something is wrong or I am gay. Should I buckle under this pressure?

A Absolutely not! Marriage should never be about the right time, it should be about the right person. Marriage isn’t a party you walk into just because your friends are there or because strangers will gossip. Those that know you know that you will marry for the right reasons, and theirs is the only opinion that should matter.

Imagine waking up every morning to someone you don’t particularly want to be with. It’s a waste of time, energy and emotion and it shuts the opportunity for you to meet the right one meant for you!

 

Image Source: Thinkstock photos/Getty Images

Source By Pooja Bedi

 

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