It’s easy to get busy in life trying to do everything at once. You can listen and work at the same time; but, sometimes multi-tasking isn’t the best use of our time. Sometimes we have to stop, look people in the eyes, and give them the gift of listening. As you go about your day, the angels remind you to give people the gift of listening.

We need to take time to deposit value in their hearts.

It seems like such a little thing, but those little deposits will eventually make a big difference. When you make deposits in people, you are making deposits in eternity, and that is what pleases the heart of God.

Release this fear to your Higher Power , be selfless and listen!

Sometimes when we ‘shy’ away from taking the time to directly listen, eye to eye; there is a root cause for such avoidance. Yes, yes, it is the same old, same old…..SELF CENTERED FEAR. We need to support one another, and listening is an amazing way of doing just that.

Can You Hear Me Now?

| Author: Susan K. Minarik

Blog: http://www.positive-living-now.com/

Susan has a great article here that has wonderful points to help you make the leap of faith,

change your habits and enjoy life more!

A Positive Guide to Listening Well

We didn’t need science to tell us so—although it does, in study after study: We humans thrive on connection with each other. It’s what jazzes us the most, gets us out of bed in the morning and keeps us going.

Feeling that we matter, that others respect us, enjoy our company and care about us is a huge part of living well. And few things boost our positivity levels as much as the acts of kindness that let others know that we value them in turn.

That’s why learning to listen well is an A-list Positivity Practice. It’s a hallmark act of kindness. It heaps good feelings on the speaker and the listener alike. To listen with an open heart, a clear mind, and attentive presence is a wholly enriching experience. It’s a relationship-builder par excellence.

And yet, surprisingly, very few of us listen well. Some studies say that only a quarter to a half of what we hear makes enough of an impression on us for us to remember it.

Say Again?

That’s one of the reasons we like recorded lessons so much. We can play them over and over and get new information from them every time we hear them.

In fact, when I was teaching leadership management years ago, we asked the executives taking the course to listen to the week’s recorded lessons every day between our sessions. That’s because research showed us that it took listening to six spaced repetitions of the material before people could glean all the important points that were being presented.

Me-Centered Listening

Part of the reason we have so much trouble registering what we hear is that our minds race off on the tangents that pop up as we listen. For the data-filtering part of our brain, listening is all about us. Its number one job is sort through the jillions of bits of incoming sensory data for the parts that are most relevant to our safety and well-being. As we search through our own experiences to put meaning to what we’re hearing, our attention goes careening off on the associations that spring up.

Bill tells you that he wants to milk his new opportunity for all its worth, and suddenly you remember that you have to stop and get milk on the way home, and home reminds you about that meeting with Jimmy’s teacher tonight and how are you going to get him to do better with his homework. Man, he’s sure been sloughing off with that . . . and now Bill is six sentences down the road and you have no idea what you missed.

Listening to the Past

In classifying incoming data, our data filters also screen out things that we have classified as safe or familiar. When we’re talking with someone we know fairly well, we have already categorized them in our minds. We don’t expect to hear anything radically new or different from them, so our data filters switch to low priority mode and we listen with less than full alertness. Rather than hearing our partner, subordinate, child or friend with fresh interest and curiosity, we tend to listen from a space of preconceived notions, hauling all our shared history into the current moment.

Changing Filters

The good news is that you can program your data filter to give priority attention to a broader range of things that enhance your well-being. Once it understands that relating to others is important to you, it will signal you with cues to listen more attentively.

Programming it is easy. It’s just a matter of sincerely intending to get all you can from listening to other people. Remind yourself at the beginning of the day. Then practice reminding yourself that you really want to listen every time you begin a conversation. Your genuine desire and willingness to listen are major keys to success.

Your data-filter is highly sensitive. It catches even the most subtle pieces of information. Take advantage of that by asking it to keep on the look out for the emotional signals the other person is giving off. You want to stay focused on her body language and facial expressions. You want to notice her tone of voice and the little pauses that might indicate a reluctance or inability to say what she really feels.

Listening with Your Heart

Listening for the emotional content of someone’s talk lets you connect with him on the heart level. As you get glimpses into the other person’s hopes and fears, your empathy kicks in. He becomes more real to you; you identify with him more and the barriers between you soften.

Even when his feelings seem exaggerated to you or based on what you perceive as erroneous or misguided beliefs, knowing what the feeling itself is like allows you to respect his reality instead of judging it. And by respecting his reality, you gain his respect – and trust – in return. He’s more likely to confide in you in the future, deepening the level of intimacy between you and laying the groundwork for an increasingly meaningful relationship.

To listen with you heart, keep your own body relaxed and open. Imagine that you’re breathing from your heart as you take in the other person’s words, receiving them with appreciation, as if you were receiving a gift—for, in fact, you are, even in the most superficial exchange. When you find your attention drifting away, gently bring it back to your heart, relax and open yourself again so you can be more receptive.

The Courtesies of Listening

Effective listening is governed by courtesies that go far beyond simple politeness. While they’re based on a generosity and respect that honors the other’s importance as equal to your own, they also provide insight into the process of good listening.

Paying Attention, for example, not only demonstrates your presence to the other person, allowing her to feel acknowledged, it alerts your data filters to switch into high-priority mode so you will garner the maximum amount of information from your conversation.

Not Interrupting trains you to keep your thoughts focused on the other person instead of on your own point of view. Practicing it is an exercise in mindfulness. You learn to release your ego-centricity and to relax into the moment at hand with openness to receiving its treasures. You gain a more complete understanding of what the other person is trying to convey.

Suspending Other Activities while you listen – turning down the sound on the TV, looking away from your monitor, setting down your tool or pen – not only signals to the other person that you are giving her your full attention, but it reminds you that listening well is your genuine intent. Taken deeper, suspending other activities also means that you suspend forming mental rebuttals or thinking of stories you want to tell; you give yourself fully to listening.

Reinforcing the Other’s Statements with a nod of your head, a simple “uh huh,” a facial expression or with a question that asks for clarification supports the other person and keeps you actively engaged and in the flow of the exchange.

Providing Feedback by asking if you understood something correctly or by paraphrasing what the other person said demonstrates your interest and shows that you genuinely want to understand—and to prevent misunderstandings between you, which is obviously beneficial to you both. It’s always appropriate to say, “If I heard you correctly, you meant . . .” or “Am I getting this right? Are you saying that . . .”

It’s especially good to ask these kinds of questions if you felt the other person was challenging you or insulting you in some way. You may very well have misunderstood and it’s far better to clear things up than to walk away feeling disturbed or angry for no reason.

Thanking the Other Person for what he shared allows both of you to feel the positivity of connecting. Think how it uplifted you the last time someone said, “I always enjoy talking with you.”

The Positive Practice of Listening Well

Practicing the art of listening will teach you more about yourself than it will about others. As you go along, your self-discipline and patience will increase, and you will gain in your ability to be heart-centered and present in the moment.

In the beginning, you may find it a bit uncomfortable to observe how much your own interests and desires dominate your encounters with others, and how little attention you have really given to their interests and concerns up until now. It can be a tad painful sometimes to discover how fully your ego has run the show, or how mindless you generally are when you interact with other people.

But take heart, practicing listening brings immediate rewards. Not only will the people in your life begin to respond to you with new interest and begin revealing more of themselves to you, but you’ll begin to find that to really listen is a rich and fascinating practice. Day after day, its nuances and complexities will appear and you’ll soon discover that the practice of listening has significant depth to it.

Because learning to listen well means breaking old patterns and habits, it does require focus and commitment on your part. To succeed, you must genuinely commit yourself to listening.

How to Practice Listening

1. Begin by making the commitment to become an expert listener.
2. Then one by one, practice each of the courtesies, making them listening exercises. You may want to jot down the list of courtesies on a card to carry with you to review. Focus on a different one each day, or choose one to focus on for a week, or a month, until it begins to be natural for you.
3. At the end of each day, think back over the conversations you had and review them in your mind. What was the topic? Did you learn something new about it? How did the other person feel about it? What about it was important to him or her?

Ask yourself how well you did with that day’s target courtesy. What did you learn by practicing it? What did you notice or learn about the other person? What did you learn about yourself?

If you keep a journal, writing about your listening practice will shed even more light on its value and on the areas where you need to put your focus. If you have identified your core strengths, you may find it interesting to think about how you can apply some of your top five to listening.

The Rewards

Magic happens when you begin truly listening to others. Marriages strengthen, friendships take on new depth, families grow closer, business associates engage with new harmony and even casual relationships take on more warmth.

When you learn to listen well, you’ll find people being drawn to you as never before. You’ll command more respect from others, understand them more fully, and enjoy their company on whole delicious new levels.

Even if you decide to practice listening just on a trial basis for a couple of days or so, you’ll notice the difference it will make in your positivity level. You’ll be more alert, and feel more connected to everyone around you, seeing them in a different light.

When you take it on as a serious, committed practice and begin to experience the increasing depth and meaning in your relationships, you’ll consider the time you invested in learning to listen well some of the best time you have ever spent.

Our connections with others give our lives zest and meaning. And nothing creates stronger bonds with others and makes them more eager to spend time with us than listening to them with genuine interest and an open heart.

Let me know how you do with your listening practices and what you discover along the way. I would love you hear about your experiences with it.