The Real Cause of Narcissism ~ Why has narcissism permeated our world?

 

The Real Cause of Narcissism

Why has narcissism permeated our world?

 

The answer: Because we have not evolved (as a world society) to understand the necessity to create an authentic emotional self.

To be ‘at one’ with ourselves, life and others is a very spiritual experience…
To not be ‘at one’ is a hellish experience – this state is where narcissism is born.

It’s simple:

Every Act of Abuse Is Born From Emotional Pain, Fear and a Need to Control.

When we are ‘at one’ there is no need to take, harm, maim, manipulate or lie.

 

Narcissism is not a mental condition;

It’s a spiritual / emotional condition.

 
We’ve all been taught ‘me versus you’ and ‘survival of the fittest’. Society’s lack of authentic emotional training left us with the belief that ‘it’s weak’ to be authentic and real. A narcissist feels terrorized at the thought of vulnerability (being emotionally honest), and develops a pathological false self to guard the unresolved emotional wounds.

The narcissist and many other individuals haven’t realized that establishing healthy boundary function and living truthfully in self-honouring ways keeps us safe, and grants the freedom to be real, navigate our lives with authenticity, self-love, self-esteem and self-respect – whilst making decisions that work for the greater good.

Narcissism is a term with a wide range of meanings, depending on whether it is used to describe a central concept of psychoanalytic theory, a mental illness, a social or cultural problem, or simply a personality trait. Except in the sense of primary narcissism or healthy self-love, “narcissism” usually is used to describe some kind of problem in a person or group’s relationships with self and others.

In everyday speech, “narcissism” often means egoism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others. In psychology, the term is used to describe both normal self-love and unhealthy self-absorption due to a disturbance in the sense of self.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called “Cluster B” or “dramatic” personality disorders. People with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions and a distorted self-image. Narcissistic personality disorder is further characterized by an abnormal love of self, an exaggerated sense of superiority and importance, and a preoccupation with success and power.

What Causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The exact cause of narcissistic personality disorder is not known. However, many mental health professionals believe it results from a combination of factors that may include biological vulnerabilities, social interactions with early caregivers, and psychological factors that involve temperament and the ability to manage stresses.

The exact cause of narcissistic personality disorder is not known. However, many mental health professionals believe it results from a combination of factors that may include biological vulnerabilities, social interactions with early caregivers, and psychological factors that involve temperament and the ability to manage stresses.

Some researchers believe that narcissistic personality disorder may be more likely to develop when children experience parenting styles that are excessively pampering, or when parents have a need for their children to be talented or special in order to maintain their own self-esteem.

On the other end of the spectrum, narcissistic personality disorder might develop as the result of neglect or abuse and trauma inflicted by parents or other authority figures during childhood. The disorder usually is evident by adolescence or early adulthood when personality traits have become consolidated.CHILD AB– USE & NEGLECT

Types of child abuse
There are several types of child abuse, but the core element that ties them together is the emotional effect on the child. Children need predictability, structure, clear boundaries, and the knowledge that their parents are looking out for their safety. Abused children cannot predict how their parents will act. Their world is an unpredictable, frightening place with no rules. Whether the abuse is a slap, a harsh comment, stony silence, or not knowing if there will be dinner on the table tonight, the end result is a child that feel unsafe, uncared for, and alone.

Emotional child abuse
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Contrary to this old saying, emotional abuse can severely damage a child’s mental health or social development, leaving lifelong psychological scars. Examples of emotional child abuse include:

  • Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child.
  • Calling names and making negative comparisons to others.
  • Telling a child he or she is “no good,” “worthless,” “bad,” or “a mistake.”
  • Frequent yelling, threatening, or bullying.
  • Ignoring or rejecting a child as punishment, giving him or her the silent treatment.
  • Limited physical contact with the child—no hugs, kisses, or other signs of affection.
  • Exposing the child to violence or the abuse of others, whether it be the abuse of a parent, a sibling, or even a pet.

Child neglect

Child neglect—a very common type of child abuse—is a pattern of failing to provide for a child’s basic needs, whether it be adequate food, clothing, hygiene, or supervision. Child neglect is not always easy to spot. Sometimes, a parent might become physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as with a serious injury, untreated depression, or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe.

Older children might not show outward signs of neglect, becoming used to presenting a competent face to the outside world, and even taking on the role of the parent. But at the end of the day, neglected children are not getting their physical and emotional needs met.
 

Traits and signs

Narcissists typically display most, sometimes all, of the following traits:

  • An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
  • Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
  • A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic)
  • Difficulty with empathy
  • Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries)
  • Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury)
  • Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
  • Haughty body language
  • Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply)
  • Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)
  • Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
  • Pretending to be more important than they really are
  • Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
  • Claiming to be an “expert” at many things
  • Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
  • Denial of remorse and gratitude

Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:

  • Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
  • Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
  • Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
  • Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
  • Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
  • Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
  • Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.

Promiscuity is a key behavioral sign of a narcissist, as they are always looking for the bigger better deal (BBD) – i.e. taking on a mistress or multiple sexual partners outside their marriage. And the more committed the narcissist feels his wife/partner is to him, the more willing and likely he will be to cheat.

Usually because they feel they will be able to get away with it easily. (Wives, you need to come to my Wife School here, to know THE REAL signs to look for if your husband is cheating on you, as well as my proven tips on how to affair-proof your marriages.)

Narcissists often appear as charming men, making them attractive while allowing them to get away with some unsavory antics under the veil of having such a “charismatic air” about them. Narcissists, when on the prowl for an extra-marital affair, will usually attract women who crave drama (i.e. The Mistress, or The Mistress in Training, *MIT*) as well as the woman who is a care-taker, the one who thinks she can ‘fix him’ and erase his negative traits. They also like to go for the hottest women they can find, because they believe such women will be insecure and therefore the most susceptible to their manipulative tactics!!

The true narcissist will display traits such as vanity, entitlement and exploitativeness. They tend to talk loudly to emphasise their self-importance using great hand movements to back that up, and they are control freaks who tend to lose their charm when destabilized or threatened.

They also like to belittle and ridicule others and they pick their vulnerable targets well. The narcissist will often argue and curse more than others, as well as using lots of sexual language. But hey, that’s enough about Gordon Ramsay, the epitome of narcissism in the extreme. They also cannnot STAND criticism. Narcissists are insulted when told they are not brilliant.

Narcissistic-cheating-married-men on the prowl tend to have similar male friends, often called “Wingmen,” (think David Beckham in Gordon Ramsay’s case) with the same short term sexual strategies, meaning they can help each other in their quest to exploit women and find their prey for affairs or one-night stands.

So then ladies, if you are the Other Woman having an affair with a married man, the chances are he is a prize narcissist. Don’t ever try to change him as he ENJOYS being one, but the more emotionally attached you get, the easier it will be for him to manipulate you, so as I first said above, don’t walk, RUN!!

 

The Art of Manipulation

 
Interestingly narcissists are highly intelligent and extremely street cunning. They’ve been expertly hiding their damaged emotional self and navigating life with acute perception and mental analysis of their environment.

Many narcissists know exactly how and when to appeal and what manipulative tactic is going to work best in which situation. High level narcissists are incredibly intuitive, manipulative, criminally minded and very dangerous.

A narcissist can size up another individual, lure them into ‘trust’, and ascertain their weaknesses very quickly. Narcissists will get close and encourage you to share your innermost thoughts and secrets. Women, I have to admit, are extremely easy to disarm for full disclosure. Little do they know, that the narcissist is gathering intelligence to threaten you with, torment you with and manipulate you with at a later date. Beware of sharing your life story with anyone until you really get to know them!

Narcissists work to a win/ lose strategy. They are parasitical in their approach and will take from outside sources and people whatever is necessary to sustain their false image. Narcissists work from a paradigm of self-absorbed entitlement. They believe their world is positioned to serve their insatiable needs. Many an individual who has connected to a narcissist has been sucked dry emotionally, mentally, physically and financially. No matter what is given it is never enough. The demands and expectations escalate and the narcissist is rarely content, appeased and fulfilled. If he is it’s only brief respite before the next surge for power and domination.

The need for ‘artificial energy’ (taking for outside self in order to create self) is a bottomless pit. Dr. Paul Dobransky explains that the myth of vampires was originally modelled on the human pathological narcissist. Dr. Paul also describes narcissism in terms of astronomical science. He explains that when celestial bodies elevate to a level not self-sustainable they create vacuums around them which feed off and destroy surrounding celestial bodies. All of these metaphors make sense. Anyone who has been in love with a narcissist will testify that the experience left them lifeless.

Lack of Emotional Intelligence Training created:

The Martyr / Co-dependent: “I lose you Win”, and The Narcissist: “I win you Lose”.

Our new world can now create “I win, everyone wins” mentality, and it’s time this awareness and training took place.

The Pain, Shock and Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic relationships are tragic and can lead to significant demise. Many women die in this version of love, or at the very least spend years, if not the rest of their lives, emotionally, mentally, financially, physically and spiritually crippled.

‘I’m passionate about releasing this information for educational purposes so women may identify this personality disorder and know they aren’t going mad. Prevention, disconnection and recovery require becoming very clear about what narcissism is. All young women should be educated before dating to become empowered and aware enough to avoid highly damaging narcissistic relationships.

I’m not ignoring men who may also be suffering at the hands of narcissist females. The same dynamics apply. I empathize greatly with these men. I have met many. The results that nice guys may suffer at the hands of abusive women are similarly devastating. Therefore, even though this article has been positioned for women, I also urge males in destructive relationships past or present to read this article in order to understand narcissism. Importantly I will state narcissistic enmeshment and damage can occur in any relationship in life. It could happen with a parent, a child, a friend or a business partner. This article is not just about love relationships.

Lack Of Responsibility For Own Feelings

The narcissist has an ‘inability to take responsibility for his bad feelings’. For him to acknowledge he is ‘down’ is terrifying and means admitting feelings of emptiness and powerlessness. Psychologically this spells emotional and mental annihilation. The narcissist’s false self is his survival, and quite literally he will lose everything in his life (and even his physical life) before giving up the desperate grip on maintaining the facade.

Inevitably his ‘bad feelings’ are someone else’s responsibility, because he cannot claim these feelings as his own. “I’m feeling bad, therefore it must be your fault” The bouts of battering and blaming another individual (often the love partner) continue until the narcissist has been able to mine another hit of narcissistic supply (the much needed drug of attention).

The narcissist, who has denied his true damaged self, operates in two main dimensions:

1. Pulling compliments and attention (even negative attention if positive attention is not forthcoming) to feel more important and worthy, or

2. Projecting anger and pain outside of himself at the closest person / people.

The projection is a psychological phenomenon whereby the narcissist will see his own disowned parts as the individual he is attacking / criticising / demeaning / abusing. The victim of the abuse will literally ‘become’ to the narcissist all the aspects of himself that he is disgusted by. He will accuse this person of being inconsiderate, deceptive, uncaring and untrustworthy. The enemy within has become the enemy without.

So whichever mode the narcissist is working through in order to try to feel healthy, the same criterion applies. The narcissist is incapable of sustaining his own energy. He has limited if any resources to supply his own ‘good’ feelings and just as few resources to work through and transform his own ‘bad’ feelings.

It is always someone else’s job.

Can a narcissist survive on his own? The answer is ‘No’.

 

The information I’m writing about in this article relates to high-level narcissism. I am intimately familiar with this form of narcissism. Even though this information may seem extreme it is important to understand that narcissism is sometimes exposed gradually. The effects of narcissism can initially be very subtle and deeply insidious. It sneaks up on you and permeates and pollutes every aspect of your being.

Victims of narcissism are significantly poisoned, and recovery requires a virtual exorcism of the disease and the psychic vandalism that could continue for years. Fortunately there are quantum solutions, that can significantly reduce contemporary recovery time. Please access resources at the bottom of this article and my eBook How To Identify and Heal From Narcissistic Abuse.’

RELATED

Comments

  1. Jo Heltsley says:

    Thank you for this article! Best one I’ve found yet. Battling the affects of being abandoned by man like this after over 19 years…not only has he totally destroyed me but also three innocent boys. Praying God will somehow get a hold of his heart, before he totally destroys himself as well. He has snapped since being called to be a preacher in 2010…always battled with “pride”, but last few years has escilated uncontrollably.

Speak Your Mind

*

Copyright 2014 @ A Celebration of Women™ The World Hub for Women Leaders That Care